Moan for me like Helen Keller
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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