How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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