i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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