Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news, I just burned my penis
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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