i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
