I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
