you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
