Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
