you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Houston, we have a blender
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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