Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
