guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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