But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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