This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
that's an acceptable place to lick
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
