I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
