He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We got so high we made milksteak
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
