This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
