why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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