he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
