You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
