Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Say something about gay babies.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
