I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
