My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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