I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
