thus making me awesome and them whores
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
