how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
