woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
