I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
