Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
