So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
