i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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