At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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