You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
