my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
