You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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