The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
