my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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