I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are the jesus of drinking
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
