I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
