He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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