In the future we'll all be gay
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
