Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
