i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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