Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
