I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
