hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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