So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
