I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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