from now on my penis is your penis
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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