My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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