My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
